For anyone who is thinking about adopting a special needs child (which all institutionalized children should be considered special needs children) or has adopted a special needs child... you must read Welcome to Holland


NOTE: I am not saying all children adopted from orphanages will be special needs children. I am saying assume there will be issues and research the available resources before adopting. Once my daughter was home with me I didn't have much energy/time available for researching available services.


I had forgotten just how good this parable is. It starts with......

I am often asked to describe the experience of raising a child with a disability to try to help people who have not shared that unique experience to understand it, to imagine how it would feel. It's like this:


When you're going to have a baby, it's like planning a fabulous vacation trip to Italy. You buy a bunch of guidebooks and make your wonderful plans: the Coliseum, Michelangelo's David, the gondolas in Venice. You may learn some handy phrases in Italian. It's all very exciting.


After months of eager anticipation, the day finally arrives. You pack your bags and off you go. Several hours later, the plane lands. The stewardess comes in and says, "Welcome to Holland."


"Holland?!?" you say. "What do you mean Holland?? I signed up for Italy! I'm supposed to be in Italy. All my life I've dreamed of going to Italy."

Click here to read the rest.


On purpose I traveled to Holland. I stated that I was open to many issues. I read books. I joined the primary Ukrainian adoption email list. Today there are over 3,000 members of this email list and it includes Candians, Italians, French, German, Spanish, Israeli, Irish and US citizens. This email list started on egroups.com before Yahoo bought it.


A woman named Sonia started this email list in 1998. She is a Canadian who independently adopted from Ukraine in 1998. I believe she owns and operates a Canadian adoption agency now.


I tried to read all the guide books on Holland. I studied up on attachment and read books like Toddler Adoption: The Weaver's Craft. I liked Lois Melina's book Raising Adopted Children because the subtitled is "Practical, reassuring advice for every adoptive parent". And I really needed some reassurance on parenting.

I enjoyed Katie Granju's book, Attachment Parenting: Instinctive Care for Your Baby and Young Child. It made me much more comfortable with the idea of co-sleeping, which I used with my daughter.


When I adopted in 2000, blogs didn't really exist. Weird how quickly blogging has taken over the internet. But some families did have web sites and shared their adoption journals. I loved hearing about the "real" stories. And I wondered about my Holland child.


Adopting my Holland child is better and harder then I expected. Family and friends don't always understand why I make certain decisions. And I received comments from various folks that I was being "too hard" or "too soft" on my daughter.


My daughter has missed a some events and social events because she cannot cope with them.

For example, her SID meant she wasn't going to the Christmas program at church. There was no way that Natasha could handle the noise (all the music and singing). It would have overwhelmed her. So we skipped it.


I am so very glad that I decided to travel to Holland.


For Americans who want to adopt a special needs child, Ukrainian adoption is still open. Ukraine has a very specific list of diagnoses that will qualify a child as special needs.


From an Ukrainian adoption facilitator's web site http://www.geocities.com/milesjazzy/.

What is considered a special needs child for this program?


Ukraine has a waiver for babies 3 months to 14 months old to be available if they have missing or deformed digits or cancer.


Also, any child with any diagnoses special need at ages 14 months to 15.: such as, CP, Arthrogryposis/club feet, missing limbs or digits, deformed limbs or digits, not walking due to medical reasons/accident, deaf, blind, genetic disorder (X-syndrome and the like), missing eye(s), deformed face (including cleft lip and palate), Down's Syndrome, serious heart conditions, serious internal organ disorders (Hirshsprung's disease and the like), mental retardation, mental disorders (bi-polar, etc.), cancer (or similar deadly illness), albinio, severe malnutrition, FAS/FAE, etc.

Food for thought.... Here is a beautiful blog from a family who adopted a 4 year old deaf girl from a Kyiv orphanage in 2005.