When I decided to become a parent via adoption in 1999, I asked a friend (who had adopted) for advice on getting started. His reply frankly made me angry because I thought he was just blowing me off.


He told me to read, read, read and then read some more.


I decided to take his advice and I started reading. Can you believe it... google.com was just a beta release in 1999. I used msn.com and yahoo.com to search for adoption information. And I found USENET which later became Google Groups. Strange how the world changes so quickly.


I found people who people thought that adoption should be against the law. Wow... These people are stupid and crazy was my first impression and second impression.


But I kept reading various postings. I found the Australian anti-adoption gang (Origins and Di). I found Lori Carangelo's ABOLISH ADOPTION web site.


Lori has a new comparsion I see.... She is comparing adoption to terrorism.


I finally figured out why I was reading such bizarre writings of people who obviously needed some serious counseling and maybe some medication. At the root... at the base element of their anti-adoption writing there was some truth.


Adoption is about someone else's pain. Someone else has to lose for me to adopt. But it is not my fault that someone else failed to parent his or her child. And that is the part that rubs me the wrong way. Many anti-adoption folks are so busy trying to discuss the "adoption problem" that they never discuss the real issue.


The problem is that a man and a woman had a baby and cannot parent the child. How about working on issues that prevent this man/woman from parenting? How about lobbying the federal government on changes for the welfare block grants? These grants should be used to provide affordable child care for low income parents. I believe that only 2 states use the money in this manner. Ugh!


Back to the anti-adoption folks.... Maybe they weren't crazy, just really sad and in a great amount of pain. They cannot move past a traumatic event and are stuck to wallow in their pain. So this anti-adoption thing was their way of holding a pity party.


And then I ran into Di (the Origins - Australian Anti-Adoption) on a forum. I read the threads between Di and Adoptees. I started replying to several threads. Some days she would attack me and other days she would be fairly rational.


These discussions helped me realize that the real reason I kept reading the anti-adoption web sites and postings was that I felt threatened. And because I felt threatened I wanted them to be crazy or stupid or mentally ill.


I don't feel threatened by anti-adoption or feel pity for anti-adoption folks any more. They are what they are, people in pain.