My darling daughter, adopted from Ukraine, came home to me at 3.5 years of age as a survivor. She survived her childhood, the orphanage, the adults, the other children, the feral dogs around her orphanage. She was just sure that she could handle everything herself. Control freak to the max.....


After taking a bath (which was a new experience for her by the way... she was used to a sponge bath) she would try and wash her clothing. She also washed dishes and swept. She knew how to work but she didn’t know how to play.


And about attachment.... She didn’t need no freaking attachment. She didn’t need anyone. The first 4 months together were very emotionally packed (and very physically tiring) for me as we worked on growing trust. And I learned how to parent a very, very, very, very, very, very, very strong willed child in a positive manner.


Oh and frosting on the cake........ She was an emotional zombie. Her emotional palette consisted of 1 emotion: strong anger.


And she was developmentally delayed on several fronts: language, gross motor skills, fine motor skills, social skills.


Did I mention she was very strong willed? Fortunately at first she had the attention span of almost 1 second which greatly helped me.

Natasha (finger waving at me and screaming at me) - "MAMA NYET, NYET, NYET!!! GIVE TOY!!!!!"


Me (I change the subject by picking up an orange and peel it.) - "Natasha here is an orange for you.


Natasha (eyes on the orange and reaching with her hands for the fruit) - "MaaaaaaaaaaMaaaaaaaaaaa me."

Looking back at her behavior she had signs of PTSD. And I didn't get a diagnosis and therefore treatment of her sensory integration issues (SID) for about a year. But looking back, the SID symptoms were there.


And she had crossed eyes which meant she had no depth perception. Think of it this way... My daughter dropped a black raisin on my black pants and could not see the raisin. She couldn't see the stairs she was climbing, but she felt them. Is it any wonder that she had SID? What she saw wasn't what she felt.


Her crossed eyes were fixed via surgery after being home for 3 months. This made all the difference in the world to my darling.


As I mentioned in another blog she didn't really know how to chew. She was used to eating kasha, soup, bread and butter.


In some ways she reminded me of how my cat treats me... My cat allows me to feed her and pet her on her terms. But she could take me or leave me. My cat has clearly expressed she is the ruler of her world and I am lucky to interact with her. :)


While my dog is Mr. Cuddlebug with kisses. My dog cannot wait until I get home. He will follow me around and watch me. He knows that I am the boss of this pack.


Prior to adopting, I read and read and read and read and read. Then I read some more. I read anything with the words "institutionalized child" or "orphanage" or "adoption" or "attachment" or "parenting."


I work on parenting my daughter to the best of my ability. I showed love, but didn't get any reciprocation back from her. And one day... after being home from Ukraine for 4 months... everything pays off with my daughter’s first kiss.


It was the first kiss that she ever gave away freely in love. She kissed the dog.


I was so excited and happy! I wanted to do a cartwheel across the room. I knew that the dog was a practice run. It was safer for her to practice love on the dog. And sure enough about 1 month later I got a kiss from her.