I liked Aleida's post on Siblings, so I am borrowing the idea of reviewing a list and providing a different point of view.


My daughter starts the most interesting conversations while she sits in the back seat of the car and I drive. I gather from talking to other parents this is fairly common. Many of the more interesting conversations about her birth family have happened in the car.


There is a list of 30 Things Adoptees Wish They Knew About Their Birth parents-But Often Are Afraid To Ask. I am only going to mention a few of these questions. Also I should mention that I will be using the phrase "birth mama" or "birth daddy" below. But my daughter will also use the phrase "real mama". And sometimes we discuss "first mama". And sometimes we just say "mama" because we have the frame of reference (birth family) and know who we are talking about.

And yes my daughter is far more interested in talking about her birth mother then her daddy. But sometimes she will want to talk about her birth grandparents.


1. What are my Birth parents' first and middle names?


Natasha asked what was my real Mama's name?


Of course.. me being the adoptive mom, I jumped on the word "real". I asked her if I was her real Mama too. Natasha answer was that I was real, but her birth Mama was real first. I understood that logic.


Then I answered her question.. After Natasha explained her use of "real" I stopped being so defensive.


2. Where was I born?


Natasha asked a very complex question and it look me a while to understand what she was trying to ask. Her preschool teacher had just given birth and came back to visit with her new baby, when Natasha asked this.


Where was I when I was in my birth Mama?


Once I understand what she was asking we discussed her preschool teacher. Turns out she wasn't really asking about her birth Mama. She wanted to know where babies came from. Or rather... How the heck did babies get inside a Mama. And why in the world would you store a baby inside a person.


About a year later, Natasha asked where she was born and we had that discussion then.


7. What were the circumstances surrounding my placement?


Natasha wants to discuss this topic more then the other questions on the list.

We discuss how she came into the orphanage system. I have several government documents that we read together. Actually I read the English translations and have the original Ukrainian documents for her to look at. And we review "the book of Natasha" which is a photo album about her adoption.


This question comes up many different ways. And as she moves forward developmentally, she revisits her understanding of the events and she re-processes the information.


21. What do my Birth parents look like? May I have a picture of them?


Natasha asked what did my Mama look like?


I don't have any pictures of her first parents. So.........


We discussed that Natasha should look in a mirror. She is a reflection of her birth Mama and birth Daddy. And they must have been beautiful people because she is beautiful. Typically she smiles at this statement.


25. Do my birth parents have any special talents, hobbies or interests?

Natasha told me that her Mama must like shopping. Because she [Natasha] likes shopping.


When I tell Natasha's adoption story I always include information on her birth family. And as the years go on I add more detail to the story. And I expect more questions from the back seat.