Here is how you verbally blend with an aggressive child. Some of this information is from my foster care training. Much of it is from personal experience with parenting my darling daughter.

Blending is also known as verbal Aikido. You are using the child's energy against the aggression.

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Guidelines to Verbal Blending

1. Be aware of the feeling/meaning behind the aggressive child's behavior and statements. Ignore the content. Is the child feeling scared or happy? Aggression cames from many different emotions.



2. Parent must keep a strong sense of self awareness. Keep the body language and voice under control. No yelling.



3. Response to the child's developmental age not their physical age. If they are behaving like a 3 year old, then treat them like a 3 year old.

Verbal Blending

• Say the child's name to gain their attention. Use a quiet, low tone voice. With my darling daughter I learned to whistle for her attention. She has SID and struggles to differentiate sounds so hearing her name is sometimes a problem. Whistling is different enough from other noises that it catches her attention.


• Say something like, "Tom, let's go over there." "Jane, what's going on?" "Fred, tell me more." "Amy, take your time and tell me what you are feeling."


• Listen to your and the child's voice. Your voice should have a tone that is soothing. Your speed of talking should be slow. And your voice volume should be low and steady. The child should slowly start to pattern their voice on yours. It may take a while. Let them vent.


• Ask questions or make statements that are non-judgemental. They can be very general. Explore the feelings and let the child their feelings and thoughts count. They matter. For example, "Can I help?" "It must hurt. Can you tell me?" "I want to help. Can you talk to me?"


• Use silence... Ask a question and leave the child space and time to answer. Go slow... If you go slow, the child will eventually go slow.


• If appropriate use touch or body heat. Sit next to the child. Sit the child on your lap. Sit close.



• Breath loudly and slowly. The child will eventually follow your verbal and non-verbal ques. It is amazing how everyone forgets it. But the sound of breathing is very basic and everyone is tuned into it.

The parent's role is to reflect the emotions back the child... but in a non-judgemental way.

Reflect

Clarify

Summarize



Dealing with An Aggressive Child

How To Understand Aggression
How To Deal With Violence and Aggression
How To Deal With Aggression
How To Do Verbal Akido
How To Remove Roadblocks To Blending
How To Verbally Blend