Disclosure: Some of the information below is from my foster care training. I cannot find an on-line link to it. And some information comes from personal experience.

In Part 4, I suggested using verbal Aikido to deal with an aggressive child. And by aggressive I am talking about a child that is:

• threatening violence but not actually hitting



• screaming and throwing their body around but not actually hurting themself



• breaking/destroying property

And just as a reminder.... Verbal Aikido is when the parent doesn't resist aggression. You use the child's energy against the aggression. And you try to blend/shadow the child.

There is a very common roadblock that prevents parents from being able to successfully execute verbal Aikido.

The parent cannot control their fight/flight reaction to aggression....... Cannot keep himself/herself under control. A fight reaction seems to be very common. I think it is because our primitive brain always sees aggression as a threat to our safety.

Here are some non blending fight reactions.

1. Ordering: Example, "Young man you MARCH into that room and pick up the toys."



2. Threathening: Example, "Young man you WILL lower your voice or you will never get desert."



3. Judging: Example, "You are ALWAYS messing up like this. You just don't pick good friends."

Here are some non blending flight reactions.

1. Excusing: Example, [your child just hit another child] "I am sure that you just need some food. It will help you control yourself better."



2. Giving advise: Example, "You really should wait longer next time and then she will be your friend. When I was child I would.... blah, blah, blah" (In other words you really aren't talking about the issue. You are changing the subject.)



3. Becoming emotional distant: "Mmmm.. you will do better next time. Maybe you were just too bossy."

Here are some non blending body language.

• Staring... forcing child to met your eyes (this can communicate that you are trying to dominant)



• Folded arms



• Hands on hip



• Jaw line showing tension



• Standing over a child. Sometimes it makes sense to sit down and let the child stand.



• Rubbing your face



• Tapping or drumming fingers

Dealing with An Aggressive Child

How To Understand Aggression
How To Deal With Violence and Aggression
How To Deal With Aggression
How To Do Verbal Akido
How To Remove Roadblocks To Blending
How To Verbally Blend