I found an article that reminded me of my foster care training. It is called Suggestions for Nurturing Your Child's Mental Health.

I really like reminders like:

• There is no one right way to raise a child.



• Encourage your child to express his or her feelings, respect those feelings.



• Keep your voice level down - even when you don't agree.



• Listen to your child.


• 
  Are you setting a good example?

From: Suggestions for Nurturing Your Child's Mental Health

My foster care trainer had many interesting thoughts about anger and aggression. I believe that many of these thoughts can apply to any child who has been institutionalized.

• Most children are angry - no matter how long they are in the system. Sometimes that anger isn't aimed at you (the adult). And sometimes it is minor. But it is still there.



• Aggressive children don't connect their behavior to broken down placements. They just cannot see it because they are so deep into their flight/fight reaction.



• Fighting with other children is very frequent. The aggresive child is fighting the world.



• Aggresive children will try pushing others into anger. It allows the child to feel in control. They control other's emotions.

And now for some quotes from the foster care training materials....

As resource parents you perform a vial role when you don't give up on a child when he/she displays "survival behaviors". You are showing the child that it is possible for someone to love them in spite of their behavior. You are also providing a model of positive parenting.

Survival Behavior . . . .Underlying Emotional Issue

Aggressiveness . . . . . . .Fear of becoming attached
. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .I'll hurt you before you can hurt me.

Dealing with An Aggressive Child

How To Understand Aggression
How To Deal With Violence and Aggression
How To Deal With Aggression
How To Do Verbal Akido
How To Remove Roadblocks To Blending
How To Verbally Blend