All behavior has meaning. Everyone on this blue planet is seeking to have their needs met and avoid pain. And when a child or teenager or adult is frustrated... has poor impulse control they may become aggressive.

But not all frustration leds to aggression.

And not all aggression leds to violence.

In other words aggression isn't something to be feared. It can be a rich opportunity to help your child or teenager.

ag·gres·sion (-grshn) noun.

..........Hostile or destructive behavior or actions.

From: The American Heritage® Stedman's Medical Dictionary
Copyright © 2002, 2001, 1995 by Houghton Mifflin Company. Published by Houghton Mifflin Company.

Now honestly I didn't see my daughter's aggression or violence as an opportunity. I didn't enjoy being yelled at or spit on.


It took a while to really see this... I had to look at the world with different eyes.

I started researching post-institutionalized children, attachment, international adoption in 1999. I studying for about 1 year before I decided on where I wanted to adopt from (Ukraine). I started my adoption in Jan 2000 and completed it in December 2000.


During my research I found Terri Doolittle's Practical Attachment web site. (It is awesome. You need to read it.) Once I had my darling daughter home with me, her words really impacted me. I could see what Terri was talking about.

I also used Love and Logic books to help me. And much later I discovered Dr Bryan Post's stress logic. And then came the book, Beyond Consequences, Logic, And Control by Heather Forbes and Dr Post.

All of these are tools to help me.. help my daughter.

I am bringing all this up because I realized that my daughter's aggressive behaviors are mostly gone. She yells when she gets frustrated/angry sometimes. But this isn't a very common behavior. She isn't breaking her toys to upset me anymore. She isn't holding her fist in the air to threaten me with hitting.

Her meltdowns disappeared years ago.

You could call her an assertive individual. Not only does she march to her own drummer (different from everyone else's beat) she has her own marching band to go along. She is unique.

To be continued... Did my 3.5 year old daughter really try to get me arrested?




Dealing with An Aggressive Child

How To Understand Aggression
How To Deal With Violence and Aggression
How To Deal With Aggression
How To Do Verbal Akido
How To Remove Roadblocks To Blending
How To Verbally Blend