I have been writing a series about Dealing with An Aggressive Child and reading Nancy's Reactive Attachment Disorder Blog. And this led me to think about an old Robert Frost poem. (I believe the poem is in the public domain. Someone correct me if I am wrong.)

Fire and Ice

Some say the world will end in fire,
Some say in ice.
From what I've tasted of desire
I hold with those who favor fire.
But if it had to perish twice,
I think I know enough of hate
To say that for destruction ice
Is also great
And would suffice.

I think it is better to have an aggressive (fire) child then an ice child. A ice child is cold, hard, stagnant, unchanging.

The ice child is trapped in their frozen state unable to break free. They are the observer and may feel protected by their ice. The child is forever caught in flight.

At least an aggressive child is interacting with the parent. It isn't an appropriate interaction. But it is an interaction. And it is possible to use the interaction for good. The child caught in a fight can be redirected.

Adult guidance that is consistent, supportive, nonpunitive, and includes the child in understanding the reactions of all participants and the reasons for limits, will help even very young children cope with aggressive behaviors.

From: Aggression and Cooperation: Helping Young Children Develop Constructive Strategies

I know that many people see fire=desire and ice=hate. When talking about aggressive and withdrawn kiddos I see fire=fear and ice=fear. Interesting a child's motive can be identical and the results are so different.

To be continued....