OK, I figured out why I was bugged by the word "best" in Dr. Joyce Brothers, International Adoption is Not For Everyone quiz.

Here is the question with "best". Dr Brothers stated the answer to this question was true. I strongly believe it is false.

2. It is best to adopt children who are very young -- under 2 or 3 years old -- because the institutional living or loss of parents has had less effect on them than on older children.

From: International Adoption is Not For Everyone

I believe that each family has to determine what the "best" age is for their family. All ages come with their special challenges. And babies do feel loss and act it out. Many folks don't see this because babies don't have the fine motor skills to take scissors and cut up Mom's favorite dress.. or poop on demand on the carpet.

But for some reason, adoptive parents don't think a baby's anger is something to worry about. A mom might complaint about her daughter crying kept her up. Or how about the parent who thinks the infant rage/meltdown is cute.

Look at him move those arms. Isn't that great. I bet he will throw a mean curve baseball.

But if a toddler shows that level of anger... Whooo, something is wrong. We all think this because children should have learned to trust and self sooth by this point. In other words, we have expectations set on toddler behavior. And these expectations are based on the child experiencing healthy attachment cycles during their first 2 years.

So rage in an infant doesn't trigger any alarm bells in head. But rage in a toddler does.

I have talked myself into a new theory.

Families who adopted toddlers and older see the attachment symptoms and seek treatment quicker then adoptive baby families.

Families who adopt babies may miss signs of attachment problems. And therefore seek diagnoses and treatment later then Toddler-adoptive families.

And no one should be telling adoptive parents that children less than 2 years of age will be less impacted by institutionalization then older children. Everyone should plan on adopting a child with attachment issues and development delay.

Plan for the worst and hope for the best. Don't plan for the best scenario.

Nice that I finally have that thought worked out...


Attachment
Dr Joyce Brothers Got it Wrong
Adopting Younger is Best (Not)
Attachment Stories
Memories