Last night I watched the stars and was feeling sorry for myself....


Ukrainian adoption is mostly shutdown, except for the families who registered before Sept 2005 or want to adopt a child 10 years or older.


I want to adopt a second child and Ukraine doesn't seem to be an option. Natasha needs to be the oldest child.


Watching the stars always make me feel more peaceful. I am just a tiny speck in vast universe.


But I realized that in way, I am glad that my second adoption is slow moving. I am open to special needs and unlike my first adoption, I reeeeeeeeeeally understand what this means.


My darling daughter, Natasha, was adopted from Ukraine at 3.5 years of age and is almost 9 years old now. I helped her learn to chew. I modeled behavior for my darling and worked on building her emotional palette.


Then there was Natasha's crossed eyes and SID; part one, part two.


Natasha had occupational, language, gross motor skills and fine motor skills therapy. She had major sleep issues that I still haven't blogged about.


And then Natasha entered school and I searched for reasons behind her inability to learn; part 1, part 2 and part 3. Once she received the diagnoses of ADHD and dyslexia there was another search. We needed to find the correct medication dosage and a good IEP.


Natasha is doing so well in school now. She has a good sense of self-regulation and control. Introducing another child into our family....


A hurting child.......


This will change our family.


It is strange, but I thought that trying to adopt a second child would be easier. Because I knew the process and had parented a special needs child.


I do want to parent a second child, even with my doubts. And Natasha certain wants to be the big sister. She is eager to mentor a younger sibling.


I have talked myself into waiting to see what happens with SDA (State Department on Adoption and Children's Rights) when they reopen in May. It is only a couple of weeks away.