Post Adoption

It's been a little over three years since we brought our youngest child, Maddie, home from Ukraine. It seems like just yesterday I stepped off that plane in Kansas City with the Madster and ran into my family's arms - exhausted from spending three weeks by myself in Ukraine, but amazed at the bond Maddie and I were slowly building. Over the last 1,096 days we've worked hard on that bond. We have spent a lot of time teaching her what family is...learning how to navigate through some post-orphanage stuff and helping her to adapt to the listening world. Today, I can honestly say...I am Maddie's mom. She believes it...and I KNOW it. Sure, she still would walk away with a stranger...but now she would… [more]

I have done some research this morning and found that there is no change to the status of Ukraine at this time. It is still open for adoption applications. So, we have 'time on our hands.' I think that this would be a good opportunity to tell you about a dear family that is in my neighborhood. Neighborhood might be a stretch since I live in the middle of nowhere with no close neighbors....but we will call it that because  I can drive to their house in 10-15 minutes. That's close out here in ruralville. Anyway, this family went to (then Russia) but probably Ukraine and adopted two little girls. One was around eight, the other two...ish. Neither girl spoke any English. That was many… [more]

Natasha and I recently toured a food bank. I was amazed to find out that about 11% of the United States population are food insecure. I delighted in Natasha's very developmentally appropriate behavior during the tour. Natasha is now 10 years old and came home from the orphanage 6.5 years ago. Her longest lasting post-institutional behaviors centered around food. Natasha first had to learn to chew at 3.5 years of age. And then she needed to feel secure that food was always available. So I gave Natasha control over her food and water intake. She could eat on demand. "On demand eating" meant that Natasha ate 8 or 9 very… [more]

I love reading. During my early teenager years I tried to collect every Nancy Drew book written. Even at that point this was a challenge. There were just so many books. I would go to garage sales and find books from the 1950s and 1960s. So I was excited to see Nancy Drew was a movie. I was disappointed to see adoption used as a plot device. I had to explain several things to my 10-year-old daughter Natasha. Natasha understands her adoption story, but this movie brought up issues she had never thought about. 4/5 stars because I love Nancy. And it was a PG film. There were a couple of nice messages how to deal… [more]

Natasha had zero understanding of "play" when she came home from Ukraine at 3.5 years of age. She understood how to clean clothing in a bathtub, wash dishes and sweep a floor. But playing was a foreign idea. Never in a million years did I think that I would have to teach my child to play. I don't remember reading and preparing for this. At first I thought it was a skill that she could just pick up. It would just happen naturally as she grew developmentally. But it didn't happen that way. I heard something about Floor Time. Later I found out that this idea is used by parents with autistic children. Some children coming home from… [more]

During Natasha's (adopted from Ukraine in December 2000 at 3.5 years of age) first year home I kept a journal. I started this writing because it felt like my days were filled with constant power struggles. The journal focused me on Natasha's positive developmental growth rather then negative behavior. Last week I was re-reading the journal. I found a jewel of a story. So for Love Thursday here is my journal entry. November 2001 Natasha and I played with her dolls.. dressing and undressing them.. making up stories... playing with a doll house. It is lots of fun, but I decided to take a break and quickly check my email. I had been reading and… [more]

Back in April I mentioned that Ukrainian Adoption Reunion Season had started. One of my favorite gatherings (that I still haven't managed to attend) is the Father's Day weekend at the Ukrainian resort (Soyuzivka) in upper state New York. The majority of people who attend have adopted from Ukraine. But preadoptive parents are welcome too. I know people who went last year and greatly enjoyed the experience. The Ukrainian Embassy staff from New York and Washington DC attend the weekend events. I even got a report about it. It sounded like great fun and allowed adoptive parents to directly chat with Ukrainian officials. Once again Della (fellow adoptive parent that I have known for years) is putting together a video to show… [more]

I started listing some of the Ukrainian Adoption Reunion/Heritage events. And then I mentioned reasons why I attend these events. Now I want to complete listing Ukrainian adoption reunions/heritage events. If you know of any others please post a comment or email me at adoptukraineblog@adoptionmail.com. Discovery Weekend What: This is a sleepover camp. It is for teenagers (12-17 years of age) who were adopted internationally or transracially. When: May 31 to June 3, 2007 Where: Camp Carter YMCA in Fort Worth Texas Cost: Unknown... You will need to email Dillon Adoption Agency. Question: Email Esther Ukraine Embassy in Washington DC's Adoptive Family Weekend What: For the last 3 years (This is the 4th year.) the Ukrainian Embassy has sponsored… [more]

I have received several comments about the phrase Ukrainian Adoption Reunion over the years. The quibble was that it couldn't be a reunion since you are meeting total strangers for a picnic. Six years ago, I adopted my darling daughter Natasha from Ukraine. Natasha is almost 10 years old and was adopted at 3.5 years of age. I try to attend a reunion per year. While some of the other families are strangers to me, we share many common experiences. Everyone has a hat or frozen ovary story that occurred during their adoption. They really aren't strangers after the first hour. Another quibble was that attending these types of events... year after year... This places too much importance on where the… [more]

The Ukrainian Adoption Reunion/Heritage Season has begun. Most of these events happen in the Summer months. There are typically 3 goals with these types of events.

1. Normalize adoption for your child.
2. Parents socialize and relax. They are good places to trade parenting tips or attachment stories. Many families will share their adoption photos and stories.
3. Let preadoptive families mingle and hear adoption stories face-to-face.