Here is a picture of my darling when I adopted her in 2000. Her squinty eyes (crossed eyes) are easily seen in this photo.

While I was in the orphanage, I asked Natasha's caretaker what she ate during the day. This list was just a little sad; I still remember that dinner was sweet tea with bread and butter. Lunch was typically soup. The amount of food was limited and there was little variety.

The first meal that I fed to Natasha as her mother was a McDonald's Happy Meal.

Quick side note... I have heard that 40% of McDonald's profits... more

Anyone remember how former Vice President Dan Quayle

criticized unwed mothers as violating "family values." ......... As a specific example he singled out the fictitious Murphy, who had given birth to son Avery, out of wedlock, in the 1991-92 season finale.

from the MURPHY BROWN TV Show

I was 24 years old at the time this happened and Quayle greatly angered me. My mother was a single mother. I came out OK. I was a productive member of society who understood family values. I felt like this man was attacking my family. Then the TV show decided to respond to... more

Many adoptive parents receive the advice to "fake it [love] until you make it". They are being told that love is a verb..... an action to take. The emotion of love will follow the action of love.

I did an informal poll once about "love-at-first-sight" and about 70 parents who adopted from Ukraine replied. Typically with Ukrainian adoption you receive a referral to a child that you have never met. And you won’t receive this referral until your dossier has been approved and you have traveled to Ukraine.

About 50% of these parents fell in love at first sight of their child. A couple of parents did state they fell in love with their child’s referral photo at the Adoption Center.... more

Before I adopted my daughter, I decided that I would help my daughter retain her native language. This would allow her a connection to her culture. And later in life it could be useful for school, employment and traveling.

My daughter, 5 years after her adoption, can count to 10 in Russian. She has a very limited vocabulary.

la-la - doll da - yes nyet - no babushka - grandma

Here is what happened....

Children under 12 years will probably lose their Russian/Ukrainian language skills unless they have one person in their life that uses nothing but Russian/Ukrainian with them.

Children 12 years or older have a much better chance of retaining... more

My boss (as well as some friends and family) didn’t understand the damage caused by institutionalization. He didn’t realize there was a difference between a child (A) born in a family with plenty of resources and a child (Z) who lived in an institutional environment. He thought that love would cure all ills.

I would tell him a story about my darling daughter hitting another child. He would quickly tell me that his children did it too. I think he was just trying to reassure me because I was a first time parent. But he was so busy supplying advice that he forgot to listen to me. It was annoying. There are 3 basic differences between child A and child Z. ... more

Here is a good link describing the Ukrainian health care system. It was written for Seattle health care providers so that they could understand their patients who were born in Ukraine.

http://ethnomed.org/ethnomed/voices/ukraine.html

Eastern European medicine is truly different then Western medicine.

Another thing to keep in mind, sometimes a child will receive a diagnose like Hepatitis C without any testing. A doctor may decide on this diagnose because of the birth mother's behavior. Or a child could receive the Hepatitis C diagnose because of Rom (gypsy) heritage.

Here is a web site about Russian... more

There is a poem that has been near to my heart for a while now. It was written by Dorothy Law Nolte and is titled Children Learn What They Live. It is quoted all over the Internet so I am not the only person who loves it.

You can read the poem at http://www.noogenesis.com/pineapple/Kristone.html. They received permission from the publisher to quote the entire poem.

The first year (after adopting my daughter was Ukraine) was very hard. It was stressful on both of us. My darling daughter had so many issues that I fell back on an old habit.

QUESTION: How do you eat the elephant?

ANSWER:... more

Here are a few items that helped with my daughter. She was adopted as a 3.5 year old child from Ukraine. She came home with overall development delays which included language delays. She spoke Ukrainian and Russian but not very well. My translator constantly struggled to understand her.

Language hint: Don't use words like "do not" or "don't" or "cannot". Instead say things like "no hit". It is very hard for the Russian/Ukrainian speaker to hear the negative at first.

Baby time: She was 3.5 years old but she needed to be treated like a baby. After a bath, I would wrap her in a towel and rock her. I would play the baby games like "counting toes", "this little... more

Food and other Security Blankets

My daughter, Natasha, was 3.5 years old when I adopted her from Ukraine. After the adoption was final, I picked her up from the orphanage as quickly as I could. I was very excited, scared and a little numb. And I did something very right at that moment….

I gave Natasha a small canvas bag. And in this bag, I placed Ziploc bags with goldfish crackers and graham crackers. Natasha was thrilled with this present. She didn’t eat many of the crackers. She knew that I had more food in my purse. But she loved to count the food. She loved to move crackers from one bag to another bag. She loved carrying her food around everywhere. It gave her great comfort.

We... more