I was startled to read in R.A.D.ically Overdiagnosed... that

It appears that “Attachment Disorder” as we know it today first established a toehold in the US in the early 1980’s.

As I blogged in Early History of Attachment Theory, attachment theory started with Freud in the early 1900s. John Bowlby (in the 1950s) and Mary Ainsworth (in the... more

Modern theories about attachment started with Freud who was born in 1856 and died in 1939.

Freud suggested that an infant's emotional tie to his/her mother is the foundation for later relationships. Subsequent research on the outcomes of early attachment has been consistent with Freud's idea.

From: DEVELOPMENTAL PSYCHOLOGY ATTACHMENT

Then came the man who is called the father of attachment; John Bowlby. John was born in 1907 and died in 1990. Around 1930... more

My daughter was a human ping-pong ball when she first came home. She bounced off the walls, the ceiling, and the floor. She was 3.5 years old and always touching, touching, touching. And she was always moving. Her attention span was about 1 second. It was extremely easy to over stimulate her. Common activities like shopping for food or taking a walk in the park were big challenges for me because she was always on the move. At this point I totally understood why parents put leashes on their children.

Then I discovered the calming influence of bathing. Natasha could be... more

My darling daughter, adopted from Ukraine, came home to me at 3.5 years of age as a survivor. She survived her childhood, the orphanage, the adults, the other children, the feral dogs around her orphanage. She was just sure that she could handle everything herself. Control freak to the max.....

After taking a bath (which was a new experience for her by the way... she was used to a sponge bath) she would try and wash her clothing. She also washed dishes and swept. She knew how to work but she didn’t know how to play.

And about attachment.... She didn’t need no freaking attachment.... more

I liked Aleida's post on Siblings, so I am borrowing the idea of reviewing a list and providing a different point of view.

My daughter starts the most interesting conversations while she sits in the back seat of the car and I drive. I gather from talking to other parents this is fairly common. Many of the more interesting conversations about her birth family have happened in the car.

There is a list of 30 Things Adoptees Wish They Knew About Their... more

Many adoptive parents receive the advice to "fake it [love] until you make it". They are being told that love is a verb..... an action to take. The emotion of love will follow the action of love.

I did an informal poll once about "love-at-first-sight" and about 70 parents who adopted from Ukraine replied. Typically with Ukrainian adoption you receive a referral to a child that you have never met. And you won’t receive this referral until your dossier has been approved and you have traveled to Ukraine.

About 50% of these parents fell in love at first sight of their child. A couple of parents did state they fell in love with their child’s referral photo at the Adoption Center.... more

My boss (as well as some friends and family) didn’t understand the damage caused by institutionalization. He didn’t realize there was a difference between a child (A) born in a family with plenty of resources and a child (Z) who lived in an institutional environment. He thought that love would cure all ills.

I would tell him a story about my darling daughter hitting another child. He would quickly tell me that his children did it too. I think he was just trying to reassure me because I was a first time parent. But he was so busy supplying advice that he forgot to listen to me. It was annoying. There are 3 basic differences between child A and child Z. ... more

There is a poem that has been near to my heart for a while now. It was written by Dorothy Law Nolte and is titled Children Learn What They Live. It is quoted all over the Internet so I am not the only person who loves it.

You can read the poem at http://www.noogenesis.com/pineapple/Kristone.html. They received permission from the publisher to quote the entire poem.

The first year (after adopting my daughter was Ukraine) was very hard. It was stressful on both of us. My darling daughter had so many issues that I fell back on an old habit.

QUESTION: How do you eat the elephant?

ANSWER:... more

Here are a few items that helped with my daughter. She was adopted as a 3.5 year old child from Ukraine. She came home with overall development delays which included language delays. She spoke Ukrainian and Russian but not very well. My translator constantly struggled to understand her.

Language hint: Don't use words like "do not" or "don't" or "cannot". Instead say things like "no hit". It is very hard for the Russian/Ukrainian speaker to hear the negative at first.

Baby time: She was 3.5 years old but she needed to be treated like a baby. After a bath, I would wrap her in a towel and rock her. I would play the baby games like "counting toes", "this little... more