You have many choices.... In some ways there are too many choices and not enough protections for the adoptive parent.

The theme of this blog is take the time to do your research. It can save you a world of grief. Don't just read a web site and decide this agency or state-side help or facilitator is for you. Ask the agency/facilitator for references. Ask for references on different email lists. Ask for references... more

I am going to review some history in Ukrainian adoption as it relates to facilitators.

Cathy Harris runs a business out of Florida. She started helping with Ukrainian adoptions back in 1999.

She fills a role that is sometimes called "state-side" helper.

She clearly states that she isn't an agency or attorney. She charges a fee to provide advise and support on creating the dossier. She also provides an email list for support. And she hooks parents up with... more

If you are just starting out, you want to do some researching and thinking on the Ukrainian faciliator. You hire this individual directly (independent adoption) or indirectly (agency adoption).

This person can be a lawyer, translator, tour guide or Christian evangelical. Adoptions can be their main means of earning money. Or adoption could just be a sideline. Some facilitators only work with adoption agencies. Some only work with independent adoptors. They could live in the US, England, Ukraine or Russia.

If... more

Here is how you verbally blend with an aggressive child. Some of this information is from my foster care training. Much of it is from personal experience with parenting my darling daughter.

Blending is also known as verbal Aikido. You are using the child's energy against the aggression.

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Guidelines to Verbal Blending

Be aware of the feeling/meaning behind the aggressive child's behavior and statements. Ignore the content. Is the child feeling... more

Disclosure: Some of the information below is from my foster care training. I cannot find an on-line link to it. And some information comes from personal experience.

In Part 4, I suggested using verbal Aikido to deal with an aggressive child. And by aggressive I am talking about a child that is:

threatening violence but not actually hitting screaming and throwing their body... more

So if you are dealing with an aggressive child, you can use verbal aikido.

The word "aikido" is made up of three Japanese characters: AI - harmony, KI - spirit, mind, or universal energy, DO - the Way. Thus aikido is "the Way of Harmony with Universal Energy."

However, AIKI may also be interpreted as "accommodation to circumstances." This latter interpretation is somewhat non- standard, but it avoids certain undesirable... more

I found an article that reminded me of my foster care training. It is called Suggestions for Nurturing Your Child's Mental Health.

I really like reminders like:

There is no one right way to raise a child. Encourage your child to express his or her feelings, respect those feelings. Keep your voice level down - even when you don't agree. Listen to your child. Are... more

Part 1 ended with:

Question: Did my 3.5 year old daughter really try to get me arrested?

Answer: Yes

Natasha had been home (adopted from Ukraine) for 2 months when this happened. I took Natasha to a store to buy a bed and pillow. She had attachment issues. We were still learning about each other.

I didn't know at the time and still don't know what triggered the meltdown. But it could have been anything. She was... more

All behavior has meaning. Everyone on this blue planet is seeking to have their needs met and avoid pain. And when a child or teenager or adult is frustrated... has poor impulse control they may become aggressive.

But not all frustration leds to aggression.

And not all aggression leds to violence.

In other words aggression isn't something to be feared. It can be a rich opportunity to help your child or teenager.

ag·gres·sion (-grshn) noun.

..........Hostile or destructive behavior or actions.

From: The... more

Food and other Security Blankets

My daughter, Natasha, was 3.5 years old when I adopted her from Ukraine. After the adoption was final, I picked her up from the orphanage as quickly as I could. I was very excited, scared and a little numb. And I did something very right at that moment….

I gave Natasha a small canvas bag. And in this bag, I placed Ziploc bags with goldfish crackers and graham crackers. Natasha was thrilled with this present. She didn’t eat many of the crackers. She knew that I had more food in my purse. But she loved to count the food. She loved to move crackers from one bag to another bag. She loved carrying her food around everywhere. It gave her great comfort.

We... more